


I told you so

by woojinx



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Madness, Married Life, Politics, crossposted on wattpad, thats why u shouldnt fall for an intelligent man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-20 15:02:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12435267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woojinx/pseuds/woojinx
Summary: so this was crossposted on wattpad under my username @eyzassi and i just.. love seokwoo





	I told you so

**Author's Note:**

> so this was crossposted on wattpad under my username @eyzassi and i just.. love seokwoo

i.

You were freaking amazing.

I swear I could fall in love with the way words tumble out of your mouth like they're trying to escape the prison of thoughts. You always wanted to be heard (unlike me). And whenever you talk about politics, I never want to take my eyes off you; I don't want anything to distract me while I'm focused at your face. God, you were so dreamy. Sometimes in the middle of your living room speeches, you'd laugh and ask me, "I sound stupid, don't I?"

Aggressively shaking my headㅡ "No." I exhale. "You're brilliant."

You'd smirk, pull me into your arms, your hands finding its way down to squeeze my butt cheeks. Soon, we'd end up in the bed. Head too light, legs tangled with each other and moans escaping my mouth only to be muffled by your hand.

I told you, I love you so.

ii.

Newspapers were such a big deal to you. Or the television. Or the bookstore.

Sometimes, I wish you don't have to be so attached to these kind of things. I mean, I get that you're smart and you want to change the world and have it around your palm but.. it's just too much you know?

I don't want to recall the way your hand hit my face when we argued about our bedroom being filled with too much tabloids scattered around, books stuffed under our pillowcases and the television always left switched on.

"You fucking idiot! Why don't you understand that the world needs to be heard and understood?! This is a fucked up world, Seokmin! It needs us! Someone needs to save it!"

I tried to calm myself down; breathe a little more. "You don't have to be that someone, Wonwoo."

"No." You growled, throwing a mug across the room. It shatters; I flinch and a tear escape my eyes. Fuck this. "If I won't, who will?! Do you think such stupid humans like you, actually care about the problems the world is facing?!"

You're becoming more of a monster and the warmth you once radiate is gone, being now replaced by the fucking hellfire you spit.

iii.

I know you'd calm down by morning. You always did. 

I was right. When I woke up in the morning, you were slouched in the foot of the bed, eyes afraid and apologizing as you keep biting your lip.

"I-I'm sorry.", you whisper. "I was just stressed about this book I'm working on."

My lips curl into a smile.

You smile back. "We okay now?"

I nod my head, and you crawl back into my arms, burying your flushed face into my chest. I soon hear you sniffing and my shirt's suddenly wet by tears. Raking your hair with my fingers, I mutter, "You don't have to cry. I understand."

And I'm lying. 

Actually, I don't understand you anymore. I'm just letting love explain everything. I guess that's the best thing when you're suddenly becoming into someone I don't recognize.

iv.

It's 2 in the morning and the bathroom lights are on; the side of the bed is cold which means you haven't been sleeping beside me. I shake the sleepiness off me as I get off the bed.

I peeked inside the bathroom. You were there, your hands firmly planted on both sides of the sink as you stare at your reflection on the mirror. You looked like a corpse; I wanted to break down and cry. Dark circles around your eyes, hair sticking out on all corners and pale dry lips.

I watched as you wash your face. You did it again. And again. And again.

I just wanted to cry seeing you become so frustated with yourself.

Slowly, you fish out something from the pocket of your jeans. I watch you still, not making the slightest sound behind the blinds. I recognized it at first glanceㅡ sleeping pills.

You take out a handful of them and when you tried to gulp them down with tap water, I rush towards you, swatting your hands away.

You look shocked, frightened out to see me there, to see me whilst you're looking like a nightmare. "S-seokminㅡ"

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Jeon Wonwoo!", I cried out. I blink the tears away, shaking you by the shoulders. "Tell me what the fuck is wrong so I can help you! I can't bear to see you like this!ㅡ"

And soon, tears started streaming down your face like waterfalls. You heaved a sigh and tried to find my lips so you can kiss me. Yeah, kiss me with the pain. "I just want to sleep. But I can't."ㅡ your voice breaks. "I fucking can't and I swear, restlessness will be the death of me."

I sobbed into your chest, my hands clutching handfuls of your shirt. "Wonwooㅡ I'm hereㅡ"

"Please, help me. I'm going to be mad. Please please helpㅡ"

I gulped down the sob that's threatening to escape, "Come. Let's go back to bed. I'll sing you a lullaby."

You nod your head but I can sense that your mind is still stuck somewhere else.

v.

We're not kids anymore; we have grown into sensitive beings, and awareness has become such a scary thing.

You are seated across me in the dining table. You're laughing at the cartoon show that was on. I try to let out a smile. If you start smiling like this everyday, I'd still fall for you despite the madness living inside your head, slowly eating you alive.

Your nose scrunches up in laughter. "Oh my god, did you see thatㅡ" Your laughter booms inside the room like little bubbles popping out of nowhere.

I'm not going to cry. I don't want to.

I promised myself not to, but these moments have become so rare that now that it's presented right at my face, I can't help it.

It's because you're not the Jeon Wonwoo I used to fall for.

You don't even know what you want for dinner anymore. Not soup, not chicken, not salad. I guess, that's acceptable because you don't even know who you are anymore. Funny, right?

Every now and then, your mind would wander off to space for hours. You'd sit in the couch, hugging your knees and you'd look like a statue, never blinking your eyes. Yet when you do, tears flow out. And when I try to ask you why you're crying, you tell me you yourself don't even know why.

You keep yourself locked up in your study room and I swear to god, it scares me that you talk to yourself now. It's not even considered as monologues. You sound like you're arguing with someone; like you're losing patience with the voice inside your head. I want to tell you that it's gonna be okay, wrap my arms around you but it's just another lie anyway. Every damn thing is not okay.

We're getting fucked up. Slowly.

"Hey. You're not touching your food." I tell you.

You stare down at the steak and youㅡ you push the plate away from you. "I don't have that much appetite. Take it."

I wish you'd stuff yourself with more food.

You're skinny but you have gotten skinnier, paler and sicker than before. You look like a walking zombie. It doesn't even help that you can't sleep at nights. I don't know what's keeping you awake; your thoughts or your nightmares about the world. I guess it's both.

And I'm afraid that my lullabies just don't work anymore.

"This cartoon is so funny, I should watch it everytime. Wait, what's its schedule for airing?" You ask me.

I smile, reaching across to place my palm atop your hand. "Wednesdays and Fridays."

"Wednesdays and Fridays." You repeat. "Cool."

"Yeah."

vi.

Don't kill yourself. 

Please just don't.

vii.

Please go out your room to eat your meals. 

You'd tell me you'll sleep in time but when I wake up at ungodly hours, I see the study room's lights switched on.

viii.

You bought more pills by the local drug store today.

I saw you.

ix.

I don't know what to say anymore. I justㅡ I don't want to get tired of you. That's the least thing I wanna do but it's too much for me to handle.

You have regular breakdowns and anger issues. Everything angers you. Even me. Even the fact that I sing in the shower. When I wore a blue sweaterㅡ "What the fuck are you wearing?! Why is the color so blinding! Take that shit off this instant!"

We'd eat lunch together and out of nowhere, you'd start crying like a baby, whining and wailing and nothing calms you down. When I try to hug you, you threaten to stab me with the fork in your hand.

Iㅡ 

Who are you?

x.

And I'm still here.

I told you, I love you so.


End file.
